This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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