oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
