She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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