I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize