god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
