I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
