from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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