I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
