The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
