All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
