We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize