You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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