I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
