Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
