I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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