I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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