found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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