their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
