It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
