i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
They took my balls.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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