the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
