I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
