Dual....:-)
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
