well you can't waste a boner
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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