You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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