yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
