Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
