I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
