I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
