Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
