I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i've created a new STD.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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