think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
