My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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