Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
