After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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