as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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