so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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