it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
