Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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