The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
