i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
