Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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