i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
