we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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