This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
