I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
