Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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