Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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