the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
