he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
