Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I forget how to act sober
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