you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
