dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
