3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
