You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
