Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
