Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
