and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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