Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
