What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it hurts more in the daytime
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
