Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
