it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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