I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
